Embracing

i have a hard time enjoying life sometimes and it is so unnecessary.
and i mean so unnecessary.

too often i am ashamed of my bad attitude and perspective.
but this is my prayer-

i pray to be on a journey with God, repenting from my envy of what others have.
and i pray to be on a journey, learning and choosing to embrace what i have.
what i have because for some crazy reason God thinks it is just right and good for me.
what i have right in front of me. what i have surrounding me.
what my days are full of instead of what i think they are lacking.

there's so much beauty around me, i know it. i know it's there.
i just need to look for it and keep focus on it.
i need to find the beauty and be thankful for it.

i need to seek Him
instead of all the other things i desire greater
because he's the only one that matters.

i really pray to be satisfied by him.
i really pray to experience such deep intimacy with him that truly nothing else matters.
i tend to think these things are impossible but i pray to experience otherwise.
i want to know his deep love for me and not only believe it but know that it makes all the difference in my life.
i want to find joy in him.
and life from him.

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some things i'm remembering and recognizing today:

i know Amherst is good. i know it is a blessing to be here. i know my years in this town have changed my life forever. i know this is such a special time of my life.

i'm especially thankful for my house and my 2 roomies right now.
i know that if i were married and living off somewhere sharing a place with only one man i would not be able to share the laughs and jokes that i get to share with Jenn and Kait this year.
i would not walk into my room after a weekend in Ogunquit to find a random plastic easter bunny sitting by my closet. it just wouldn't happen. only Kait would put that in my room...along with the leprosy looking vegetables hidden in my bed and drawer. as well as the talking/graduating chicken that me and Jenn have been hiding in eachother's rooms.
this is truly such a fun time.
i really do have such a sweet thing going for me.
it is only when compared to the lives of others when i tend to lose sight of how good and special and green things are on my side of the lawn.

it's such a nasty cycle that i pray to remove from my life.
so please Lord, be working with me on this.


thank you for what you do have for me, whatever that may look like.
please forgive me for my concerns with what others have and for my lack of thankfulness.
please be working on my heart and be walking with me, hand in hand, on this journey to deeper intimacy and love for you.