Heart

Lord,

please be working on my heart.
please oh please.

it is in need of some transformation.

your daughter,
V

The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette is on tonight.

25 men.

two with dogs.
one from Tennessee and plays the guitar.
another from Cape Cod and a landscaper (with 2 dogs actually).

i've narrowed it down to two.
[haha]

a man with a dog will always win my heart.

now if only i could meet him!

LOST

Lost is on tonight.
but not just any episode of lost.

the SERIES finale of Lost!

not just season finale.
that alone would have been enough to get the roomies crazy.
but SERIES finale!

this means lots of screams coming from the living room. :)

cover letters

why are they necessary?
or rather, why can't i seem to write one?
this whole job-hunting process is bad enough and then we need to come up with a cover letter?!

Lord, wanna help me?
wanna give me ideas for this darn thang?

thank you.

F-R-I-E-N-D-S and God

it's been a while and i have not blogged as often as i have wanted to.
but i'm skipping over some major things for now [like my stinkin college graduation]
and jumping to tonight.

tonight.

because i don't want to forget this night.

tonight was truly a beautiful night.
a night full of special friends and God's presence.
a night full of talking to God.
a night full of tears and thankfulness and laughter.


this blog entry is being written for my own sake so that i can look back and remember.
so i can remember how it felt to actually talk to God and feel like i was being heard.
so i can remember the power of prayer.

So, Virginia- a month from now, a year from now...
Remember this night.

Remember the appreciation you felt. appreciation for friends and God's presence.

because for so long now you have felt dead inside. spiritually dead. like you couldn't pray. like you couldn't be heard from God. like you couldn't reach Him. like it was all stupid at times. like you didn't even care enough for others to pray for them.

but tonight was not like that.
tonight you gathered around the Meadow St. living room with 6 other friends of yours.
and you prayed. prayed for each girl specifically.
and it felt so good. so refreshing.

You, Rachel, Katy, Becca, Kait, Alexandra, Jenn (and we prayed for Sarah)

some things i want to remember from tonight:

• there is a cost to following Jesus- tonight i was just touched by the sacrifice Allie is making for the next year of her life. she mentioned how she has "accepted"a lot of things about the trip. like the fact that it is going to be physically challenging and it's going to hurt. her stomach is going to hurt from the different foods and she is not going to like a lot of it. her body is probably going to ache from all the hard labor she will be doing. she is going to be stripped of all her comforts. ALL of them. she will be taking cold showers, she will be smelly and sweaty and hot. she will be lonely and without family and close friends. she will be w/o a car and w/o tv and living out of a tent. she will be w/o basically everything she is used to. but that is the price she is willing to pay to follow Jesus. and it just brought me to tears hearing about what she is accepting because she is so brave. she is going to need to rely on God like i have never before. she is going to truly need his strength to get through each day. i can just go on and on talking about this but i won't. i just want to be reminded of how i feel right now when a time comes and i am not up for following where God may lead me. Virginia, remember it is going to cost you. it is going to be a sacrifice. but the rewards are far greater than the costs. the reward for following Jesus to the places he may lead you are far greater than what you may have to give up. he will do mighty things in your life. he will be present. he will be with you and he will guide you. because he loves you deeply.
• reconciliation- tonight as it was time to pray for me, Kait and Jenn (because we are the 3 staying in Amherst,) Kait mentioned the word reconciliation in her prayer. she mentioned how at some point last year she hated the word. and so did i. but she went on to thank God for where he has brought us. last year was easily the worst time of my life and the most painful thing i have ever experienced. it was where i saw the most ugliness come out from within me and it was just so hard. hard to love. hard to accept. it was really painful and many tears were shed. and i just thought it was the end of my friendship with Kait. but God surprised me. it turned out that he was indeed in it all, working things through. he was working on things in my heart as well as Kait's. and he brought us back together again. he took us on a road of reconciliation and i'm so thankful that we are excited about... for that, truly. a year ago now i left school thinking i may never talk to Kait again. and tonight as i'm writing this blog i await the day we move in together in just a few short days. and we have plans--WHAT? are you kidding me? (this is what i'm thinking right now...i would have never imagined) but it's true. only God could do something like this. i really believe it.
  

Only God could turn something that broken into something Beautiful again.
Only God is capable of picking up the broken pieces and glueing them back together.

and that's just what he does in our lives.
he does it with relationships.
he does it in our own lives and hearts.
he takes things that are broken and makes them beautiful again.
and we ought to be so thankful for that.

So, thank you Lord.
thank you for being faithful to take the broken and put it back together.
thank you for friendship and the power of prayer.
thank you for being "So Good" like Katy mentioned tonight.

and Virginia-
PRAY.

like you said in prayer tonight, it would be just so stupid if you don't.
so stupid.
why wouldn't you just go to him and pray?

and as Jenn said, remember to cleave to Him.

and Lamentations 3. read it

Remembering My Mr. Scooby the Scoobster

Today i am remembering one of my dear dogs, The Scoobster.
the BIGGEST of them all. weighing in at a whopping 175 pounds.
yes, there is a "1" before that "75."
he indeed is bigger than you.
but no, you can not ride him!
he never liked that much.

Today he went to Heaven with all my other babies.
There he will be with Brownie, Thunder, and my Gracie Grace.

Today i remember his goofyness. his sillyness.
his size and how he took up the entire bed,
often times leaving me with only the most corner of corners of a full size bed.
i remember his stinkiness! [will i really miss it? i wanna say yes because i am going to miss him so much...but am i being honest to say i will miss his stank?]
i remember cleaning his ears and how he'd stand there so patiently while i stick a q-tip in there! and sometimes i would hit a spot that made me kick his leg! hah
i remember the day we first met him and he walked off the couch and right towards me and my mom.
and he had floppy ears! oh, how i was so glad he had floppy ears instead of the mean looking ones!
speaking of mean, i remember how mean he was to my Gracie Grace! being the grouch that he was, hogging the bed from his sister.
i remember how he'd lay on the bed, front paws crossed and squeak away at his "baby" as we called it.
what a baby he was!
i remember how how i would always call him "so handsome."
i remember his long nose that i loved to kiss.
i remember his silly trot and his little jump he'd do every time he entered the porch but before he'd run upstairs.
i remember his spots that he liked me to rub on his chest.
i remember how i didn't like him to be on my bed anymore because of how much he did indeed smell,
but out of my love for him, there were some days i just got right past the smell and let him lay with me.
i remember how he'd stinkin be a slob and rub his face/mouth all over me right after he ate!
where did he learn his [lack of] manners?!
i remember how he'd just place his head right on the table as we'd eat and it's be SO annoying.
i remember how sometimes he had such a small piece of food for his ginormous mouth that sometimes he couldn't find it in there.
or how he couldn't shut his mouth all the way sometimes without biting his extra skin.
i remember how all the kids would walk by the fence in awe of the sight before their eyes!
i remember how he'd paw at my door to get in my room every morning of the summer once my parents had left for work.
and how after a few kicks at my door and me not getting up to let him in,
he'd walk into my parents room, turn around, and storm, full-force with a loud kick at my door.
it cracked me up, his determination.
and i remember how every morning i'd hate having to get out of my comfy, non-smelly bed,
and have to get into bed with all the dogs in my parents room.
cause apparently they are babies and can't sleep on their own.
i remember his eyes.
i remember his jumps when you'd throw food in the air.
i remember his craziness as a person would enter the house:
he'd let you love all over him, petting him like crazy...
until you motioned toward the door and then he wanted to attack you.
he had issues! haha
i remember the screams of my aunt and little cousins as they always asked "is Scooby in the room?!?!?" they were pretty afraid of him.
i remember the days i'd hear a door slightly open to then a door SLAM shut with a scream.
what happened?
oh the normal- Jess of Gretchan were trying to leave their house so they open the door as they normally do and then who do they find to a surprise?! Scooby standing there wanting to eat them!
well not really. they think so. but i think he just got mad that they didn't like him.
i remember how he gobbled down all of his food within 37 seconds. no lie.
well yes, just a little exaggeration.
i remember the excitement of getting a Great Dane and the joy it brought to me.
and the excitement of showing him off to everyone.
bragging about him always.
and even going straight to Jess's to ask her if she wanted to see our "new puppy."
mind you, Scooby was already about 3 or 4 years old when we first got him so he was by no means puppy size!
imagine the surprise it was to them?
i remember his stinkin slobber that i'd run from!
and the times i'd get so mad that he got it on me.
but then other times i'd find something to wipe it off for him.
i remember [disgustingly] wiping his but when apparently he was unaware that he still had some hanging when he entered the house. who wants poop on their bed? i sure don't!


i think i could go on and on.

oh! and i remember when he bit, yes bit! my brother in the you-know-where,
all just protecting his father who he loved.

but mostly, i just remember my dear Scooby and how i have loved him so.
and will continue to always.
i love him and will always remember my big and goofy Great Dane.
i feel like i will always have a story to share about you.

you were always so great to cuddle with and were a great pillow
{unlike Lightning who the second you lean on her she gets up!}

thanks for loving us.
glad to have given you a home for these past few years.
and don't you worry...we would have never given you back to that old lady!

love you Scoob,
you sis
V