deliverance to dependence

Redemption Chapter 5: Demanding Manna

Oh, how I can relate to the Israelites. I am just like them.

I have really enjoyed reading about the Israelites for a while now because I can so relate with their interactions with the Lord. Reading about how God delivered the Israelites, tonight I learned that their deliverance wasn't the end of their story. God was setting them free so that they could experience Him in a way they couldn't while living in captivity.

They were on a journey of deliverance to dependence. Much like we all are.

What we often do, like the Israelites – is we forget too quickly. God mightily delivered the Israelites through the sea. He walked with them. He fought for them. He led them to the other side, through raging waters and away from their captors, and so quickly after arriving to the wilderness, they lost trust. They soon forgot what He had already done and they had thoughts that He was going to just leave them to die in the wilderness. And even worse, they looked back to where they came from, setting their eyes to Egypt, forgetting how horrific and harsh their conditions were. Forgetting just how bad it was under the rule of Pharaoh. Forgetting how enslaved they were. Forgetting enough that they wished to go back, thinking they were better off to die there rather than out in the wilderness where they thought they would starve to death.

And then God gave them manna. Enough for each day. Providing for their every need. Trying to teach them to trust. Every time they were to think of their need and their hunger, they would have to turn to God. He was longing for their dependence on Him.

Because that’s all He really wants. Relationship with us and for us to daily depend on Him.

We are delivered to depend on Him every day and so that we learn to trust Him.

But the Israelites grumbled.

“What if we don’t have enough?” “What if He doesn’t provide?” “Let me grab for more, even though He told me to take only what I need…just in case.”

I grumble.

“What if He doesn’t provide?” “What if He doesn’t take care of this?” “What if He doesn’t give me life on my terms – husband and children?” “What if He doesn’t take care of my parents/my family/their marriage?” “Let me try to control.”

I lack trust. I don’t believe He has my best interests in mind. Or that He knows them. {distrust}

I try to control. I try to be God and save my family. I take it into my own hands because I fear that without my work it will crumble. Not trusting that the Lord is the only one to redeem and the only one to save.  {pride}

My affections go towards the created rather than the Creator. I worship good things that can’t satisfy my heart like only He can. I give good things the place in my heart that only He should have.  I look for other things to satisfy what only He can. {idolatry}

I forget.

I forget how He has shown me redemption & reconciliation in a special friendship before. He worked out a miracle. Why can’t He do the same work within my family? I forget how He has provided me with a wonderful job when I really needed one and that I did nothing to receive. Pure grace and kindness. I forget how quickly He gave me a housing situation when I really needed one. Not only with friends to live with, but in an awesome apartment with specific little things that excite my heart. Close to my job and even closer to new friendships. An incredible blessing that I honestly couldn't have written up because I didn't see how there would be a way for me to move out. And a church. A church to call home and experience community and learn from – all of which I desired. And with people that fill my life with such joy and that I can have lunch with every Sunday when just months before I left another church and cried almost each week, desiring to belong and wishing they’d want me to join them to their lunch plans but never being invited. I’m not even sure if I even asked God for that, something as silly as to have people to enjoy lunch with, and yet He gave it to me anyway. And it means so much.

I have no reason not to trust Him. I’m foolish.

I’m going to trust Him. Because He is trustworthy.

Tonight I confessed my sins. I confessed and asked Him to take the weight I have been carrying. He wants to take it from me. I don’t have to carry it anymore. I handed it over.

I’m a long ways away I’m sure. I have a lot of changes I need to make that are practical ways for me to not be distracted. But I gave Him the weight I have been carrying about my future – husband, children. I’m not going to worry about it. I’m not going to give it the time I’m used to giving to thinking about it. I gave Him the weight of worrying about my family and trying to hold it together. I can’t hold it together. I’m not strong enough. I don’t want to carry these things. I gave them to Him. And I don’t want to look back.

I want to trust Him, day by day, moment by moment, for him to provide for all I need. Trusting and remembering that He always knows best.

I want to stop grumbling. And start trusting.

Start calling out to him for my daily needs. My daily satisfaction. Trusting in Him to provide my manna for each day. And seeing what relationship will look like with Him like that.

Pretty crazy that He wants to take our burdens and carry them for us. And He just wants relationship with us. He just wants us to depend on Him. That should bring relief to be able to call out to Him in need.

Oh how I need to learn trust. And how I need to practice surrendering. 

Praying for a posture of hands opened up towards Him - giving it all to Him.