yesterday i took Misty for a walk down the beach. as we were walking on the sand i decided i wanted to let her off the leash. i've done this before and she is always just fine. she doesn't really run off without me and every so many steps she takes a look back at me to make sure i am following.
i really love letting her loose because she goes CRAZY and has such a fun time. the sand makes her mental and she gallops and runs around like a crazy lady and cracks me up.
but there's always that part of me that panics. PANICS. i always fear the worst. that she will run off and get attacked by another dog. or get hit by a car. die in front of me. i have issues and always expect the worst of almost any scenario.
so i made sure no one was around. no other dogs. and i let go.
but i simply let go of her leash and let her run free and explore rather than taking her leash off for her to run free.
{i do this just in case i have to grab for her quick or i am chasing after her. i will have something to grab for rather than her collar. the poor thing - she runs a little funny because she is dragging the leash behind her trying for it to not get in her way}
and yesterday i was reminded (yet again) of just how tightly i hold onto things.
when i walk with Misty i almost always have the leash wrapped around my hand a few times. i hold onto it tight and then wrap it an extra couple times just in case.
i do this to ensure i'm in control. and although in this case it is probably ok that i want to be in control and i want to make sure Misty is alright and doesn't get into any trouble, it's not ok that i do that when it comes to God. silly me never realized my how great my desire for control over my life is until a few months ago during redemption group.
all that to say - i have to let go. and not just let go of the leash so it trails behind as a way to guarantee i can be fast enough to run for it and grab it back again in case of an emergency (like i do while walking Misty) but i have to be willing to let go by taking the leash off completely. and give up stinkin control. and trust God with my life
what the heck is my problem?!?! i don't know best. at all. at all
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couple reminders that i always go back to.
[yes i talk to myself]
Virginia, remember how you saw that house in Winthrop that you so desperately wanted to live in? you loved it because of the location, down the public stairs to dunkin, in your favorite town close to the yacht club, a few steps away from a rocky beach, ocean views in every room on one side of the house, hardwood floors, beautifullll in every way. but it just wasn't right. you asked everyone you knew to live there with you but it just wouldn't work out. well, that's because you didn't know what God had in store just about one year later. you didn't know how He'd allow for you to save some money and pay off extra on your loans while living with your parents for a while. you would have never imagined an apartment being as perfect for you as the one you thought was perfect in Winthrop but Malden turned out to be even better in completely different ways: super close to new friendships, wonderful neighborhood, BEST landlord, awesome neighbor, exposed brick, BESTTTTT bedroom, where you can have Misty. wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. and as great as you thought Winthrop would have been, God knows you love to have people to share your home with and he knew you'd be meeting a whole bunch of new people from a church hadn't started attending yet and knew nobody would probably ever wanna drive all the way to Winthrop to hang out with you. but in Malden? you'd have people over all the time. you'd love it. it would be a gift. a gift specific to your heart and desires. and it would be a blessing. and He knew it would be.
He knew better.
as He often [always] does.
and Misty!
Remember how mmaadddddd you were that mom and dad were getting a new dog just days after Lightning? gosh. you were YELL-ing at them. yelling. you thought they were rushing it. you didn't even think she was that cute. ???? you did not want her.
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!!?
you had no idea that upon meeting her you would be ashamed you ever thought that about her.
you didn't know she would be the answer to your prayers for wanting "your very own dog someday" and although she isn't technically only yours, she really seems it. you have the sweetest bond and she's the first dog you've ever had that has given you hope of your future working with dogs&children and she has affirmed your dreams on so many occassions and given you glimpses of what you really enjoy doing.
if it were up to you, Misty would not be your dog. and that is scarrrrryyyyyyy to think about.
because boyyyy, did you have NO IDEA just how much of a blessing she would be.
i can't even believe it. she is the most wonderful thing.
point is, i'm thankful that God knows.
even when i act like a know-it-all.
even when i beg for something and am not given what i want at that very moment.
i'm thankful that he provides.
and in these two cases, he provided with big gifts.
the gift of a wonderful apartment that i would never have imagined would top the one i so desperately wanted in Winthrop.
and another gift in the form of a dog i really did not want at first because i had something else in mind for the perfect dog.
i'm glad God knows.
and cares.
i often have to remind myself of all the ways He has shown this because i am so quick to forget or just think lies about Him.
He just wants our trust.
and i want to and need to just let go. and trust Him.
my sweet girl last summer while walking one of our favorite spots: Deer Island. notice her "off the leash"
