(I started writing
this post a few Sundays ago but was never able to post it due to my lack of
internet at home!)
--
DERR! Sounds easy
enough. Makes perfect sense. But it didn’t dawn on me until today during
church. I thought to myself “Virginia, you can’t see something if you’re not
looking at it.”
Today’s sermon was
just what I needed to hear. I am so thankful for it. And while I’m on a
thankful note – man, am I thankful for GENESIS. I’m so thankful that about ½ a
year ago Rachel began to tell me about a sermon her pastor had spoken that was
really relevant to my heart. And she invited me to check out her church
sometime and I have been back every Sunday since. I’m thankful for the
teaching, for the community, for the friends I have made, the things I am
learning, and the cutest darn children. I’m tremendously encouraged and for
that, I’m thankful.
---
I have a real issue with idols in my life.
Sometimes I think I tend to not see the severity in this issue, other times I
don’t even know how to begin to battle them, and more times I am just so
consumed and discouraged by them and how distant I feel from God as a reult. The
thing(s) I worship are not bad things.
But that’s just the thing – they are good things, desirable things even, but I
have let them take the place of God in my life and that is not ok.
It wasn’t until
sometime in 2010/beginning of 2011 that I even realized I was worshiping any
idols. Sure, I knew there were things that consumed my thoughts and heart, but
I never knew the place they took over God. That was until I was given a book called
“Idols of the Heart.” It was then that I realized just how bad my [heart] condition
really was.
---
I have so much on my
mind. So many things that go together and I am not organized at all.
So many things that I
think God could be trying to teach me/talk to me about.
Everything ties
together. Like the realization I had after being introduced to that book: that
there are some idols in my heart that I need to deal with. And how the reason
why I ever even wanted to hear more about GENESIS was because of the sermon
Rachel told me about- a sermon asking the question “what are your false
husbands?” – essentially, (and yet again) what am I worshipping? And then how one
of my “asks” for this year is to be freed from the enslavement to my idol
worship and to experience life as a result of this freedom. And ultimately joy
that I believe will flow with that life - once I am freed. And even another
thing I want to be tackling – my insecurities. I’m beginning to read Beth Moore’s “So Long
Insecurities” and she mentions the idea of “false positives” that we believe –
again, addressing these lies that I believe about certain idols. Things that I
let take the place of God in my life. Things I think will satisfy more than
Him, when really, they cannot.
Oh brother. That’s a lot of stuff having to deal with the same issue- my idolatry.
So back to the sermon.
Today Brance spoke on
King David and how he was considered a man after God’s own heart. He spoke
about how David wasn’t a man after God’s heart because he had everything
together and lived a near perfect life. In fact, that was not the case at all.
David was a sinner. He committed adultery and in an act to cover up his own
mistake, he went to have this woman’s husband killed.
But he was still considered a man after God’s heart.
Why? Because of his response to his sin.
We see some of his response in Psalm 51 (which again, this is another piece that ties together with everything else I have been thinking about over the past 2 years. Psalm 51 has been my favorite psalm/a favorite passage from the Bible ever since I came across it sometime around the time I was realizing all my idol worship. It is all so relevant to me.) Anyways, David recognized his sin. He recognized that he had sinned against God. King David turned away from God to a false promise/false god – the woman he committed adultery with. But he didn’t stay there.
Brance said that sin is when we turn away from God to the things He has created and love them more than Him. This is something that dawned on me this past fall – I tend to worship the created more than I worship the Creator. I worship the idea of something he created (marriage) more than I worship the creator/author of that thing called marriage.
He spoke about repentance and this is what was the most impactful part of the sermon for me. I have heard of repentance before, of course, but I need to get in the practice of repenting on a daily, moment to moment basis.
Repentance is turning
from my sin and to Jesus. It’s turning our backs on our sin and facing Jesus.
Maybe in turning to
Jesus, then would I finally be able to see him.
Another thing that is
so specific to what I’ve been asking lately. I have been journaling something
like “Lord, help me to see you. I feel like I can’t see you. Give me eyes to
see and ears to hear. I want to see. Please help me to see.”
Why am I not seeing? BAM. Maybe it’s because I’m not looking!! My gaze is somewhere else. How in the world can I possibly be seeing if I am not even looking in His direction? Seriously! It makes perfect sense. I need to be repenting and turning my back on my idolatry (on the false promises I believe. On the idols I am turning to) and turn to God. Turn my back on my sin and look to Him.
Psalm 51: 16-17 says “You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, o God.”
Brance also mentioned how it would be a lot easier to give a bull or a dove as a sacrifice. It’s a lot harder to give our hearts as a sacrifice. And God wants our hearts.
Reminds me of the beginning of a proverb I came across a few days ago: “O my daughter, give me your heart.” He wants my heart. He wants our hearts.
So, I need to repent. I need to keep battling and fighting against these lies, these false promises I believe. I need to turn my back on my idols and give back to God the place he deserves in my heart. I need to seek him because he says He can be found. And in seeking him, my prayer is that I will find Him. And that in facing toward him, I will begin to have this sight that I have been asking for.
I need to remember the most obvious of obvious: Virginia, you can’t see something that you’re not looking at. So shift your gaze. Start looking towards him.
And maybe then you will see Him.
Actually, believe you
will see Him.
And believe it will
make all the difference.
